#79 Why Can’t They Just Remember?! Kids & Chores & Brain Fatigue

May 14, 2025

How many times have you given your child the tasks of taking out the garbage, grabbing papers from their school folder so you can take a look at them, and letting the dog out, only to have one or two of those things actually completed?

Happens often, right? You’re not alone. And it’s not just forgetfulness, it’s brain science at play. There’s actual research behind why this happens, and that’s what I’m unpacking today. It all comes down to Cognitive Load Theory. I introduced this in Episode 77 of the Shift for Wellness podcast, “The Truth About Brain Fatigue,” and today we’re going deeper...this time, through the lens of home life

Let’s Set the Scene

It’s Friday. Your child walks through the door—backpack flung to the side, shoes kicked off, tired eyes. You casually ask, “What did you learn today?” and you’re met with a shrug and a mumbled, “I don’t really remember.” Sound familiar?

As parents, it’s easy to think, Really? Seven hours at school and you’ve got nothing? But what’s really happening is that your child’s brain is overloaded, and their working memory is maxed out.

What’s Working Memory Got to Do With It?

Working memory is like the sticky note of the brain, it holds onto a small amount of information temporarily so we can use it. And guess what? It has limits. If too much is asked of it at once, things start slipping through the cracks. Enter: Cognitive Load Theory.

Cognitive Load Theory, developed by Dr. John Sweller, explains that our brain can only handle so much new information at once. When it’s overwhelmed, whether by school lessons, social stress, sensory input, or distractions, it can’t hold on to additional tasks like “grab your homework folder” or “don’t forget to feed the dog.”

And for kids with ADHD or executive functioning challenges, the load is even heavier.

What This Means at Home

So when you give your child a list of chores, Take out the trash. Grab your papers. Let the dog out. You’ve just handed them three different tasks that need to live in their working memory, already jam-packed from the school day.

When only one or two get done, it’s not because they’re lazy or disobedient. It’s because their brain is simply full.

4 Simple Ways to Help Your Child Follow Through on Chores (Without the Power Struggle)

Give One Task at a Time
Avoid the multi-tasking trap. Start with one request, wait for completion, then move on to the next.
Use Visual Reminders
A simple checklist, sticky note, or whiteboard takes the burden off their memory and puts the task in sight. You can even gamify it with stickers or stars if that’s motivating.
Group Similar Tasks
Instead of saying “clean your room,” break it into bite-sized pieces:
• Pick up toys
• Make your bed
• Vacuum
This helps their brain process one step at a time.
Build Routines
When chores become habits, they slide into long-term memory and no longer clog up that fragile working memory space. For example: “We take out the trash right after dinner.” Done. Easy.

Parenting With the Brain in Mind

Understanding how your child’s brain works empowers you to shift from frustration to compassion. When your child forgets a task, it’s not personal, it’s neurological.

So the next time you feel yourself about to say, “How many times do I have to tell you?!”...pause, breathe, and try a new approach rooted in how the brain actually works.

You’ve got the tools. You’ve got the heart. And now, you’ve got the science.

You’re doing a great job, parents. Keep showing up with grace and curiosity; it makes all the difference.

If you've got some stories to share about kids and chores, and memory, I'd love to hear them. Your insights and experiences might just be the spark that another parent needs to hear. So DM me or leave a comment on Instagram at @jenncaputo because when we lift each other up, we all grow wiser.

Remember, it's not about being perfect. It's about being easy with the practice.