#72 Parents vs. Teachers: The Unnecessary Battle

I’ve been accused of everything from favoritism to racial profiling during my 25 years as a teacher. I’ve had parents threaten to pull their kid from my class, question why I was out sick like I owed them a doctor’s note, and demand grade changes for work that was very clearly not done by their child. I’ve had emails ignored, explanations dismissed, and entire systems I spent months creating challenged—only for those same parents to later realize, oh… maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

And here’s the kicker—one of those very same parents who once wanted their child out of my class Two years later, they requested me for their other child.

Here’s the truth: Anyone who actually knows me—students, colleagues, administrators, board members—would tell you that those accusations couldn’t be further from reality. And while I’ve been lucky to work with some of the most supportive, kind-hearted, and generous parents (the ones who reminded me why I stayed in this profession for so long), there’s no denying the impact of that one bad apple. The kind that sucker punches you straight to the gut, making you question why you even bother.

That’s exactly why today, we’re talking about mean parents. Yes, they’re the minority. No, they shouldn’t be feared. Because at the end of the day, they’re not fighting you. They’re fighting a ghost from their own childhood—the unfair grade from 6th grade, the teacher who didn’t see their potential, the classroom injustice they still can’t let go of. They want justice… from 1975. And that’s not your burden to carry.

Let’s be real—this whole parents vs. teachers thing? It’s exhausting. And honestly, it shouldn’t even be a thing. We’re all here for the same reason: the kids. But somewhere along the way, it’s turned into a battlefield, full of skewed perceptions, misguided opinions, and a whole lot of unnecessary drama.

And here’s the part no one talks about: it’s not even about the kids - who are always caught in the middle.

When the Past Becomes the Present

When a parent lashes out at a teacher, it’s easy to assume they’re just being difficult, that they want to control the classroom, challenge the curriculum, or question our every move because they think they know better. But in reality? They’re not coming after you.

They’re coming to you carrying their own 5th, 6th, or 7th-grade wounds. They’re still angry about that one teacher from 1975 who embarrassed them in front of the class, ignored their struggles, or made them feel less than. And now? They see you standing at the front of the room, and suddenly, you become Mrs. Smith from 1975.

They’re not arguing about today’s assignment. They’re fighting a battle that started decades ago.

The Aftermath for Teachers

The problem is, that battle leaves teachers covered in the emotional mess that these parents dump all over us. They hit send on the scathing email, hang up the phone, or walk away from the parent-teacher conference, feeling justified. Meanwhile, we’re left sitting there, questioning everything.

Did I actually do something wrong?
Am I failing this kid?
How much more of this can I take?

And THAT's why teachers fear parents. Not because of the supportive ones (who, by the way, we LOVE and rely on). But because of that one experience from five years ago that we are still trying to recover from. Because when you give everything you have to your students, and a parent comes at you like you’re the villain, it hurts. Every. Single. Time.

And no matter how many times it happened in my 25 years of teaching, it never got easier to get back up.

How I Took Back Control

At some point, I stopped letting these situations blindside me. Instead, I started including one simple question on my beginning-of-the-year parent survey:

👉 What was your experience in [insert grade I was teaching] like?

That one question changed everything.

It gave me insight. It told me who might be coming in ready to fight and who might be a little more understanding. It helped me prepare, mentally and emotionally, so I wasn’t caught off guard when a parent seemed extra defensive or distrusting.

Because at the end of the day, most of the time, this isn’t about me. It’s about them. And reminding myself of that? It saved me a lot of unnecessary stress.

But That Doens't Mean It's Easy

Because let’s be honest—it’s never easy.

You give these kids everything you’ve got. Some days, you give so much that by the time you get home, you have nothing left for your own family. So when a parent comes at you unfairly, like you’re not doing enough, like you’re somehow against their child—it stings.

And for me? No matter how much I understood the why, it never got easier.

The Parents Who Keep Us Going

So, if you’re a teacher listening to this, this is what I need you to hear:

Focus on the parents who see you. The ones who appreciate you, even if they don’t always say it. The ones who trust you, support you and actually recognize how much you do for their kids.

Because they exist. They outnumber the difficult ones—you just don’t always hear from them.

But if no one else tells you? I will.

You are making an impact. A huge one. Keep going.

Remember, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about being easy with the practice.